How To Raise a Narcissist (Or How NOT to)

Most babies are born innocent, and through socialization with other children they learn to share and be loving and compassionate human beings.

Then there are the children who, through no fault of their own, are spoiled rotten because one or both parents lack self-esteem and they tend to live vicariously through their children to inflate their own egos.

Narcissists are extremely selfish people who believe they are uniquely special and worthy of worship (most celebrities are narcissists).

Narcissists lack empathy or feelings because they believe they are the center of the universe and only their feelings matter.

Mom blog Scarymommy.com published a guide to help teach parents how NOT to raise a narcissistic child.

Pay special attention to #5 on the list.

1. Make kids work for things

One of the quickest ways to raise a narcissist is to shower them with praise they didn’t earn. Showing love and warmth are important for building healthy self-esteem, but praise is not the same as love. Praise and reward should only come after real effort has been exerted. The “everyone gets a trophy” mentality needs to go.

2. Ease off on the idea of “special”

Everyone is special in their own way, no doubt. So make sure your kids know that. Don’t send the message that they are exceptional or better or more deserving than anyone else. If they really are some kind of prodigy, no one will need to tell them. If they aren’t — and let’s face it, most kids aren’t — then telling them that they are only gives them an unrealistic view of themselves.

3. Encourage real friendships

Narcissistic people tend to have a lot of admirers, but few real friends. Relationships require empathy, which requires looking outside of yourself. Giving kids opportunities to form deep friendships and helping them build those empathetic muscles can help keep narcissism at bay.

4. Make altruism a priority

Altruism is giving or being of service without expecting anything in return, including praise or recognition. Practice random acts of service both within your family and without, and actively discuss the importance of contributing humbly to the collective good. Focusing on the needs of others keeps the focus off the self.

5. Tell your kids you love them

Research shows that kids who know they are loved and feel warmth and affection from their parents tend to have healthy self-esteem. Again, we’re not talking about praise or telling kids they’re special. Just a simple and sincere “I love you” will do more to build a kid’s confidence in a healthy way than telling them they’re special or unique ever will.

6. Tell them they are not exceptions to the rules

Narcissists feel entitled and believe that rules that apply to other people don’t apply to them. I’ve seen parents let their kids do things that are clearly forbidden or that common sense would tell you is discourteous. No, your special snowflake is not allowed to touch the priceless art in a museum just because you think their curiosity is prodigious. Allowing kids to misbehave or ruin things for others teaches them that they are exceptions to the rule. They are not.

7. Say no

Setting limits and giving kids boundaries teaches them that the world doesn’t revolve around what they want. While I’m a firm believer in saying yes often in life, kids need to hear the word no sometimes. And when they whine and push back, that no needs to stick. They need to know that no means no and that they are not entitled to something just because they really want it.